Just a Mother


When I was a little girl I didn’t imagine myself being a mother.  I didn’t care to play with dolls.  I didn’t want to babysit.  And I didn’t have little cousins or younger siblings.  That just wasn’t my experience. 

As I got older, I didn’t give much consideration to having kids.  I just knew it wasn’t something I wanted so I didn’t envision myself having them.  Throughout my twenties I recall emphatically declaring to my friends that I would not be having kids. 

Here’s the thing.  I do have kids.  And anyone who knows me now knows how I feel about them. I am in love with them. 

It can be awkward with some people to talk about how my children came to be because I didn’t plan them.  Sometimes people use the word accident to describe how my children were conceived.  It is entirely possible that I have even uttered the word myself, but that’s just not true.  I knew what I was doing when they were conceived.  It was intentional.  By the age of 30 I realized that I really did want to have kids.  Someday.  I didn’t plan to have them right away.  That’s what happened anyway.  I knew I wanted these kids.

Sometimes I wonder at how I seemed to build myself to be the person I am.  How is it that I am so uniquely qualified to be their mother?  I realize this is also not true. Yes my chosen career path really overlaps with my motherhood in some big ways, but I am also keenly aware of my parenting deficiencies.  Why can’t I be better at some things?  Because I’m not.  This is who my kids got.   

What I do know is that I love my kids so much that I can see all of their beauty.  That has opened up my world in ways it never could have been otherwise.  I imagine that some people might only see my life as a parent as hard, but I am grateful.  Seventeen years ago when I became a mother my life finally became directed.  Before that I was on a path, but with nothing I was working toward.  They inspire me.  They are who I dedicate myself to.  They are my purpose. 

J. Warren Welch really puts it into words perfectly. Your children are not your masterpiece that you create. They are their own masterpiece, creating themselves, and you have been given the privilege of watching them be the artist.”

I love watching my kids create themselves.  That’s why I wanted them.  They are incredible.  What an amazing human experience. 

Published by stuckinmybra

First and foremost, I am a mother, but I am also an education lawyer and policy specialist, an advocate, and an activist. I've been told by my closest friends that I am a fighter. My practice area is disabilities and education, which is where I have been practicing since 1999, before I had my own kids who are now teenagers and are all educationally identified as twice exceptional. I write about what is on my mind, which feels like a messy file system of old and constantly new information. I think about my kids and the people they are and how to help them become who they want to be in this world. I write about issues that affect deaf people because one of my kids is deaf. I write about giftedness, autism, trauma, inclusion, mental health and chronic illness because those are all things that affect my family. I write about my own life and the people in it. I hope what I write touches peoples hearts and opens people’s minds because I think people in our world need to have more understanding and compassion. I'm here to tell the straight up truth.

One thought on “Just a Mother

  1. just since i cannot keep up I am only now replying…
    i love the writing as i think it helps tremendously just getting thoughts out. i only did it through the earlier years but i think about doing it all the time.

    i wanted to be a parent. however, i will tell you i am clearly deficient in many, many areas. frankly, i just try to keep up. i am glad my kids are okay with me just as i am.

    i never feel sad for those younger days when they were little. i feel like i am a rather unemotional mom and wonder if that is very weird. i love those critters though and i love watching them become who they are each day and who they will become.

    i feel like i get to speak to you more often when i write to you so… there you go. this is my conversation with you and not just in my head where it normally is lisa.
    love,
    me

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: