April 21, 2019
I talked with a dear friend in New York recently who is going through a painful divorce. Just like I did when my children were young. She was there for me when I went through it. She is a good listener and a great support. She is a good friend. She is smart and wise.
She knows my divorce story and now I am the good friend as she is going through it herself. She will get through it. She is fierce in her love for her kids and in doing what she thinks is right for them. We are alike in that way. But I know how difficult it can still be on the kids. The choices we are faced with are unfair and unreasonable. The kids have no say in what is happening to their family and their life. Kids are so vulnerable. They really deserve to just be kids. Divorce puts a burden on them that is just unfair. It is what it is.
Like me, my friend has twins. That’s something else that binds us closely. At times, I have served as a kind of twins mentor to her. Hers, though, are still just little ones. They’re going into kindergarten this year. They’re five. Mine are now seventeen.
Incredibly, my friend’s divorce case actually went to trial because they cannot agree on money, basically. But it’s really about the kids. When you’re talking about taking responsibility for kids, you may end up talking about money, but it is always about the kids. Why can’t people just keep the kids in focus? I don’t understand. And I do understand. It’s maddening.
Put all your love into them. All of it. These kids are all that really matters. That’s the truth.