My Sleep Disorder + PTSD + Righteous Rage = Depression/Fatigue/Fibromyalgia

Despite the reappearance of my lifelong sleep disorder over the last year and the shock to my heart last April (, I still have never had much trouble getting myself out of bed in the morning. I love life and I always have. I truly have not experienced much depression in the traditional sense until now. I’ve been questioned in my past about depression due to my diagnosis of chronic fatigue syndrome, but I really could not relate. I just couldn’t. But lately I am starting not to feel like myself. My sleep is a crapshoot and I want to stay in bed as long as possible. I have a pure hate relationship with alarm clocks right now. I’m operating with a sleep deprived body. In the last week I have been advocating for myself to receive EMDR treatment and I now know that I am currently Depressed.

So anyway, I need trauma treatment and I want to try EMDR. Here is a good link about EMDR for you if you don’t already know about this health treatment. Trauma is actually my nemesis. Not my alarm clock. I had two EMDR screenings this past week and a conversation with my psychologist and I feel pretty certain that Depression is at least one of the diagnoses caused by my trauma.

I can tell that I am depressed because I am experiencing 9 out of the 12 signs right now. I have never screened like this before, despite the statistics working against me as an Autistic.

Depressed mood: Feeling sad or anxious.✅

Loss of interest in activities: Taking less pleasure in hobbies, sex, and other interests that the individual usually enjoys.✅

Social withdrawal: Avoiding social situations and losing touch with friends.

Fatigue: Daily tasks, such as washing up and getting dressed, may feel more difficult and take longer.✅

Feeling agitated: Agitation, including restlessness and pacing.✅

Changes in sleep patterns: Insomnia or excessive sleeping.✅

Changes in appetite: This can lead to weight gain or loss.✅

Increased irritability: Getting annoyed more easily than usual.✅

Feelings of worthlessness and guilt: Thinking over past events.✅

Concentration and memory problems: Thoughts and speech may feel slower.

Physical aches and pains: Unexplained headaches, stomach aches, or muscle pain.✅

Suicidal thoughts or suicide attempts: This may signal a severe depressive episode.

I’ve written before about the different faces of depression. I don’t commonly succumb to the big D, but sometimes I do and I have a feeling there are very few people in the world who haven’t become depressed at some time or another. And that’s okay. There is nothing to be ashamed about and blame does no one any good. There is also no reason to ask me why I’m depressed. I am getting myself some help so it won’t take me all the way down. That’s my advice to myself.

That’s what I got for you today. Depression and EMDR for trauma + I’m at the vet with my stressed out dog, Daisy.

Daisy is heavily sedated today

I’ll keep you posted.


Published by stuckinmybra

First and foremost, I am a mother, but I am also an educator and an activist. I've been told by my closest friends that I am a fighter, but I actually despise that part of my identity because I really don't enjoy fighting. I write about whatever is on my mind, which feels like a big mess sometimes. I mostly think about my kids and the people they are and how to help them become who they want to be in this world. I love them more than anything in this world. Sometimes I write about giftedness, autism, trauma, schools, mental health and chronic illness because those are all things that affect me. I write about my own life and the people in it and I try not to hurt people's feelings in the writing process. I hope what I write touches peoples hearts and opens people’s minds because I think people in our world need to have more understanding and compassion. I'm to tell it like it is.

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